Honesty is the Best Policy

They say "honesty" is the best policy. But when it came to the truth of telling Luke how his dad had died, I took a more "don't ask, don't tell approach". I couldn't even muster up the heart to tell Luke that Sean had died, Sean's best friend did it for me. How could I... Continue Reading →

Trigger Me Timbers

I apologize for the title of this post, I simply couldn't help myself. Ahem, anyways-   I bought a gun about three months ago, which may take more than a few of you aback. Why? I thought, would it make people feel uneasy that I had purchased a gun? Was it because my husband used... Continue Reading →

Made Ya Look

*THIS POST IS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC AND CONTAINS VIVID IMAGERY OF A SUICIDE* ************************************************************************************* It's like that stupid circle game where you try to make someone look at a circle you've made with your thumb and pointer finger. Or a horrific car accident. You just can't help but look. I don't know why I did it.... Continue Reading →

The First Cut is the Deepest…or is it?

Sorry, Sheryl Crow. I have to disagree. I thought that my first breakup after Sean died would be an absolute travesty resulting in many tears served with a generous helping of self-pity and of course, wine. But, there were no tears of sadness Zero self-pity and no wine (surprisingly) However, there was; Rage Disgust and... Continue Reading →

Hurt

Look at that picture. One of our first and then our last together. Six years, an entire life, a home and a family- gone. And all it took was enough pressure on a trigger to send a bullet careening through my husband's head, shattering his skull and our future together. I wish you could feel... Continue Reading →

Reasons Why

They say everything happens for a reason but I simply cannot fathom the reason for this. While I have no doubt in my mind that God gave me Luke and Gwendolyn because he knew I would need something to force me to take care of myself and survive, I often find myself befuddled, wracking my... Continue Reading →

Your Brain on Grief

You've probably heard of "baby brain", a term defined by the fog that encompasses your memory and thought processes after the sleepless, stressful time of bringing a new baby home, but I want to talk about "widow brain". Something discussed less frequently, but is just as real and frustrating. I'm a bit of a brain... Continue Reading →

Parenting Through Grief

Tonight about an hour after being put to bed, Luke came into my room crying. He told me "I just don't understand why my dad had to die". How do I tell him? That Sean didn't have to die. In a way, he chose to die. Of course, I don't tell him. Luke is not... Continue Reading →

Mediums

I had my first experiance with a medium a few months ago. I tossed around the idea of seeing one, just to see what would happen. They've always facinated me, as a child I used to watch Sylvia Brown on The Montel Williams Show and every now and then I still watch The Long Island... Continue Reading →

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