Widowhood has been the most gloriously nonsensical WTF experience I’ve ever lived (and am still living) through. While most of this will seem quite tame to the widow community I thought it’d be fun to compile a list of some of the batshit crazy shenanigans both myself and other widows have done.
- Write blogs about their dead husbands/grief
- Share said blog with the interwebz and make everyone super uncomfortable.
- Uncontrollably bring up their dead husband in conversation. It’s like word vomit, we just can’t stop ourselves from bringing it up.
- Hold onto clothes or other miscellaneous possessions of the dearly departed. Even if it’s stuffed in the back of our closet or dresser. I have a stick of Sean’s old deodorant that I keep in the back of my bathroom drawer. When I’m missing him, I huff it like a crack head and sob uncontrollably. I do this in the privacy of my own home so that I don’t do it in Walmart and get politely asked to leave (that was ONE time)
- Get #triggered…like…a lot. I unexpectedly ran into a woman in uniform at the daycare when Gwendolyn goes and I just froze in sheer panic, I didn’t know whether to run back to my car or push through and get my kid. So, I did the logical thing and had a hysterical breakdown in the lobby in front of everyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Get reckless. Grief really messes you up in ways you’d never imagine. One day you’ll find yourself doing, saying or thinking something and you won’t recognize yourself anymore.
- Talk (or scream) aloud to their dead spouse. You name it- in the car, the cemetery, the shower…we carry on one-sided conversations both aloud and in our heads.
- Cry…a lot.
- Don’t cry…at all
- Whole-heartedly believe our loved one is trying to communicate with us through the TV, radio, flickering lights ect.
- Hold onto our loved ones ID, insurance, credit cards, ect because…….they might need it one day?
- Sleep with his favorite T-shirt that you salvaged from the dirty clothes basket. Even weirder, you put said deodorant from #4 on it to make it smell like him again.
- Mom- don’t read this one. OK, you’ve been warned.
Think about our dead partner during sexy time.
14. Openly talk about all things morbid such as death, funerals, bodies, ect.
15. Make normal people uncomfortable by making wildly inappropriate jokes about our dead spouse/widowhood
16. Sleep with our dead husband’s ashes
17. Buy things for them that we think/remind us of them.
18. Have a shrine to them in our home (I’ve contained Sean’s shrine to two shelves in my living room and a drawer in my dresser)
19. Never wash and or vacuum seal the last set of sheets they ever slept in.
20. Wear their clothes.
21. Never finish movies or TV shows that you were watching together when they died.
If you’re not a widow and you made it to the bottom of this list without saying or thinking “WTF, Ew”- then I applaud you- you understand not to judge other’s grieving.
If not, well….you should work on that.
I’m certain some from the widow community will read this and have more to add! Drop a comment below and let me know what weird shit you’ve done since your SO passed!