God Gave Me You

When I was fifteen I had a ovarian cyst the size of an orange that ruptured, causing me immense pain that sent me to the emergency room. It was rather fortunate that this happened, since they also found a potato-sized tumor on my right ovary.

Why do they always compare masses to food for reference?

Anyways.

Thankfully, the tumor was benign, but I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and Endometrosis. I still remember sitting in the doctor’s office at fifteen and being told that it was likely that I would never get pregnant, and if I did, that it would be difficult to stay pregnant.

When Sean and I’s relationship became serious and we talked openly about marriage and children, the possibility that I might never give him children inevitably came up. Instead of fleeing as far away as possible from my potentially barren uterus to greener pastures , he said things like “we can adopt” or “My Aunt did something like IVF, I’m sure we can try that”.

For years I had been preparing myself for heartbreak, miscarriages and countless negative pregnancy tests. But when I got off of my birth control in April I was surprised to learn at the end of August that I was four weeks pregnant.

I stopped drinking coffee and started drinking 100+ oz of water a day.

I heated my lunch meat and avoided soft cheeses.

I took extra walks and got at least eight hours of sleep a night.

Because suddenly…it wasn’t just me anymore.

I now had this little life growing inside of me that I was responsible for keeping safe and healthy.

God must have known that I wouldn’t have Sean very long, because he gave me you.

To force me to carry on even on the days where I just didn’t feel like it anymore.

To force me to care of myself so that I could continue to take care of you.

To save me.

“God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you,” – Blake Shelton

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